Trundlin'along

There was a man from Devizes,

With ‘nads of different sizes,

One so small, so no use at all

The other so large, it won prizes. !!!!

Anyway, we really enjoyed Devizes, but Saturday, the weather was glorious and time to tackle Caen Hill. The flight is 16 double locks one after the other, Great. With random locks either side, so about 29 locks in all. We entered the first lock at 8.30am, and left the last one at 1pm. Not bad going and NOT without happenings !!!!!

BIKES. The golden rule now is if there are bikes on the towpath, walk on the inside, and let them go onto the canal side. If anyone is going in the canal,, let it be them.

Some are very good and let you know that they are there. Whether they have a bell on the bike or not. We like them.

And then there is The Numpty Cyclist. No hat, ipod in lugs, and racing along in his/her own little world, and woe betide anyone getting in their way.

Rule 1- get onto the inside but sort of still in the middle, after all it’s a tow-path NOT a cycle way.

Rule 2 - Swing windlass, nonchalantly. Pretend you, also, are in your own world of admiring the scenery, talking to other towpath users , petting nice dogs etc.

Rule 3 – Be deaf( again only pretending). If a cylist announces his presence and intent, fine and dandy but IF you hear them creeping up on you, Sing, swing the windlass, and then when they sweep past you, act surprised. “ Oh my goodness, I had no idea you were there( fibbing again). Perhaps one should have a nice little tinkling bell on your bike???” etc. any comments along these lines are good. Being slightly sarcastic is good also.

Rule 4- slightly naughty, but as they race past, pretend to have an attack of St Vitus Dance. Jerk about a bit. Pretend you have been stung by an un-friendly wasp. This makes them jump, and I even made one skid a bit.,

We, apparently, are coming into the world of the Upper Middle class Numpty Cyclist.I had my first encounter on the Caen Hill Flight.

The UMCNC, will be wearing all the gear, black and freshly pressed clothes, helmet that matches the bike, and the bike will have a little red flashing light on the rear etc.Everything will be scrupulously clean. Absolutely NO MUD or DUST n RUST.

As I walked along swinging my windlass, I noticed him on HIS side of the canal aka the wet side, coming TOWARDS me. His mouth was moving and he was looking at me. As he drew to pass me, I enquired as to what he was saying. “ Passing to your right, madam”. Eh? “ oh, but isn’t that bloody obvious? I have eyes in my head, and unlike the late great Marty Feldmann, they go in the same direction”. Maralyn and I had a good titter, and then noticed that his little flashing red light, had stopped flashing. He had stopped. ! Cowards that we are, we didn’t fancy a heated convo in the middle of a towpath, so we hurried to do the lock, with the words “garble, garble MADAM” ringing in my ears, in a rather sarcastic tone I thought.

So a nice cruise, pretty scenery and we came to a 48hr mooring, and it was filling up. We left J&M+2, filling with water, and we went to get moored up. A boat had just moored, and the bloke was doing a lovely job of neatly tying his rope on the front of his boat.

“ erm, erm, excuse me, but would you be kind enough to move up closer to this other boat, so that 2 more boats can get in, PLEASE”. He stared and then went to speak to the captain, his wife, and said “ We have to move”.” What?” she screeched. Anyway with a surly face, and her old roll-up thrown onto the towpath,they moved up for us. We said thankyou about 4 times, but only to be met with a cold & stony silence. For gawds sake. !!!

I let Jim in on the secret, and as he arrive at the mooring, he went up to her and in his lilting Scottish burr, said thank you for moving for us. Can you believe it, she smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes. Flirty old jock, that he is. !!!!

Anyway,returning from dog walking, she was still sitting on the back of her boat, puffing away, and she smiled nicely. I smiled back, but not a toothy smile, you understand.

However, by the time I was giving Mick a haircut on the towpath, we were conversing about blokes not wanting to pay a barber tyo do the job. She had come down from her strop, but the old man hadn’t. Poo to them.

Bradford on Avon – 2 nights here. Wonderfully pretty and VERY VERY expensive. Full of twee little shops, but the buildings are stunning. The high light was that last night a “ dosser” boat passed by.( these are the folk who live on their old tubs, usually pushing another old tub in front of them, full of tat,old bike wheels, random bits of wood etc, and a lot of them are very nice people.), and he had his 2^nd tub strapped to the side of his 1^st tub. As he passed by, he lost a pole off the top, tried to retrieve it, and got stuck in a load of brambles, at the same time that his lovely dog fell off the boat. People on the other side were shouting that dog had fell off. We went out to see what was going on and he said “ me dog has fell off the boat”. When I looked , poor old pooch was hanging onto the side of the canal at the front of our boat. Anyway, I yanked him out, and then Jim lifted him over the top of his boat, so that he could get back on with his master . Master had a face full of metal,but was so thankful that we had rescued his doggo. I said to him “He needs some tlc, ”. And he replied “ Oh, I might let him on the sofa tonight” Bet he did, too.

Today, Tuesday. Wet trip to Dundas Aqueduct –Moored up for 2 days and where we can shout at all the hire boats to “ SLOW DOWN “ .

Top of Caen Hill Flight.